The bloke next door!
At the risk of being a bore,
Here's a tale bout the bloke next door.
An incident he had,
And his neck was quite bad,
To hospital they rushed him I’m sure.
North Hants Hospital then sprung into life,
Perhaps a scalpel, a needle a knife,
But quick check said stop,
Was only a small bop
You’ve strained it a bit - my life!!
Take a pain killer and just go home,
There's no damage to any old bone,
In your car you can ride
Back home to reside,
It’s hardly worth a moan.
So following day back to work,
The neck he dare not jerk,
His boss then reported
“Your BUPA’s supported”
So physio might help you work.
Hampshire Clinic he then visited,
The lady said lay on this bed,
But no, just to be sure,
We'll X ray once more,
Before we massage your head.
A few minutes past then behold
The pictures she was quick to hold
His neck was just broken,
How is it he spoken
A&E said it was not more than a cold.
I’m not touching that she did say,
Its a rigid neck brace on today,
No driving, no play,
Now what did they say?
It bruising now how can that be
The pictures are quite clear to see.
Somehow he gets himself home!
Hoping for quick healing of bone,
His faith in the system,
Has gone down the cistern,
Its weeks and he’s still at home.
No doubt the Physio will come,
After bone has knitted and some,
But he would have seen red
If they’d massaged his head,
If they’d not pulled it off by bone
Clive May 1999
Thanks to Son again!
Thanks for fitting the sound card within,
T'was craftily done when I was not In.
But soon to find the note I sure was
When to the shack I went because
My tools to return from field day site
Where ventured I with all my mite
To mend the beam for 70 megs
And fell over numerous tent pegs
But problemette I seem to have found
The CD player plays without sound
So Wurtinger's disk I can no longer play
Till you have visited another day!
I phone you much but no answer are
From your number, Out in your car?
The mobiles turned off now what goods that,
Or has it just suffered from this and that,
A drop from great height perhaps it might be,
Perhaps its the rain or the cats had a pee!
So try the main line a bit later I thought,
Perhaps there's a lesson I need to be taught.
Engaged for an eternity it seems to be,
Perhaps the Internet's playing with thee.
OK, I give in, its digital form,
I type this ditty to raise yet a yawn.
An post it to you for retrieval a bit later
So you can help your poor old pater!
ok so i might have made a mistake
but had no time ,so had to make
a couple of shortcuts here and there
i`m sorry if it caused you to tear out hair
but my friend Dave is coming round
so i will ask about the sound
and see if it needs a different lead
or if the sound card is for a bin to feed
i thought the pins did not seem right
so we'll have to come round another night
o flipping heck ass and bugger
i hope it does not require another
for my mind has started aching
and the amount of time
this saga is taking
is to be quite frank, a pain in the ass
but like everything else, it will pass
so at the end my rhyme is over
may your life be sweet
and your health in clover!!
Too many NEWTONS in the Global Address book!
Apologies I offer in haste,
Your time I wish not to waste,
My Email does fly
Because I type at a pace.
Its not that I do it intended,
My ways I try to be mended,
Your name is adjacent,
And I get complacent,
And before I know its sended!
So please be patient with me,
My glasses will help me see,
My monitors small,
My head is quite tall,
And my hands hang down by my knee!
One thought did cross my mind,
An address book example I find,
To avoid the confusion
One persons solution
Was use first name instead all the time.
I did not believe it when told,
That Jason..C was that bold,
Christian name he was using
To stop all confusion,
It works as good as gold!.
He started that way I am sure,
T'will suit him for ever more
But Newton,s to late,
The address's left the gate,
Management Services set it for sure.
If unwanted mail I send thee,
Please send it straight back to me.
I hope my conveyance,
Doesn't cause much annoyance,
A smile I hope I give thee.
The four metre beam
The four metre boom's a bit short,
Came the shouted frantic report,
Are you sure its not there
I said, as my hair
Stood upright on neck back and taught.
A check in the trailer drew blank,
And we considered raiding the bank,
To buy a new beam, in time it may seem
But not at this time of night,
Especially as Alan's so tight!.
So phone calls for divine inspiration
To help us with right calculation
From the bits we did take
It was difficult to make
A re-worked design for the station .
A classic Yagi wont fit
A short Yagi still isn't it
Books were confided,
the waters were muddied,
But still all designs were all spit.
A phone call to Roy Powers of Antec
By now we were all getting frantic,
The dimensions we had
He said were not bad
So try these and be a mechanic.
My garage was raided for bits,
Some ally angle and clips,
A hand full of screws,
Some bolts we could use,
Lets hope this thing is a hit.
Bad light stopped play Friday night
Our Taff was woke up with a fright,
The heavens threw down
And soaked the ground
But morning came, night mare was right!.
Gut-buster drill plus the pole
The antenna was coached to a whole
Peters shoulder was rested,
As SWR was tested.
One point four, we're on a roll!
The gin pole them came into play
Up mast to last but a day
The swer again tested
Not Peters arm rested
One point seven, but up now and can blooming well stay.
The amp worked like a charm,
No birdies, oscillations or harm,
Points were collected
Not once but twice in the day.
Now near the close of Play
Old ZOI came shortly to stay,
What's that in the air,
You've got over there
The 4 metre mean we did say.
Its nothing like it should be
Said ZOI looking at me
Its not the right length
It ain't got no strength
Its more like a Christmas tree.
There’s two more elements than should be
I really can't sensibly see
How from the dimensions
And you initial intentions
That Ariel came to be.
Don't knock it Taff then said to Dave
We'll patent it, for we must save,
The points we will get
Were the best ever yet
Its something over to rave.
The contest now over and done
All knackered and well past the fun
We loaded the trailer
Thanked farmer for the favour
And transported to Alan’s family farm.
Popham Court Farm, soon we were there
The sweat had dampened my hair,
Drove up to the barn
where we'd originally gone
And guess what I saw just there!
The 4 metre pole on the grass
Now! was this time to kick ass!
The points we had collected
Were now well respected
Perhaps my anger might pass.
The dilemma we now have to face
Is where the elements to place,
To find which beam booming
Most signal out in one place.
Despite all this and the rain
I think we've done it a again
The youngsters did well
And the Olden's can tell
It all came together - Just fine.
The thanks are to numerous to mention
We all had the best intention
I daren't single out
Any names out to shout
For missing some ends up with tension.
But pointed comments I will make
To those who allowed us to take
There prized possessions
From homestead situations
To use for the contest all week.
I think I have waxed long enough
By now you've heard all this stuff
From various sources
Although not in verses
So now is the time to stop.
What, no lay in on a Sunday Morn the missus said to me,
Just because the Bramley Frith visit has to be,
An evening jaunt you said before, that what’s I agreed to do,
Not jump out of bed at the crack of dawn just to be with you,
Through the village and Cafaude Lane the twisty winding way
T’was not very long before we found young Cliff on air to say,
We’ve arrived already but we’re not alone, there’s others here as well
The gate is locked, oh no it’s not, the weathers really swell.
The sun burst down and members came from distance not too far
First one then two then many more turned up in many a car.
Assembled now we headed down the National Grid marked Lane
Over several humps and round a bend, turn left then stop again.
Andrew Cleve then greeted us then put us in corral
Surrounded by fence I thought its us who are locked in,
Subtle but I can tell!
A jackdaw joined us from a house he’d adopted as his own,
He sat alongside then followed us, walking on the ground.
A plastic bin with sodium light with egg boxes galore
Gave Andrew the opportunity to delve inside and explore
Its full of moths of every sort, each box had a surprise
With Elephant Hawk,Kitten, Buff Arch flying off to rise.
Small plastic pots were utilized to capture several moths,
Taking care not to touch with fingers or tiny tots
Then we ventured round the site but who was watching who.
The Fallow deer were well in view but then they had to go,
These deer are black when on the ground
The camouflage is good
But lighter deer are often found
Where humans provide the food
Its seems that fashion has its place
And humans have their way
For lighter deer are picturesque
And that’s what we want to see
The pylons loomed far high above
Their Tesla’s vibrating free,
But worry not, the flux is weak
And less than your TV
Damsel, Hover and Dragon flies
flirted with all and sunder
The Jackdaw had his way with them
For he was to plunder.
The caged moths were then released
And placed upon the trees
In shaded woods they like it most
For they did seem quite pleased.
The water pepper tasted us
To see what we had got?,
Just a bite then spit and wait
Struth that’s blooming hot.
The silver birch was very big,
And very old as well
It rised high but never reached
The pylons that hummed like hell
Old earth works clearly marked the bounds
Of several woodland features
Was this bit London Clay or was it not
Must listen to the teacher.
A badger set and noses rose
To test for smell of fox
But nothing found but badgers earth
Was disguised well by phlox
Crack Willow marked the way
Of an olden woodland path
Charcoal burner then we found
Its there to warm your hearth
Charcoal once was much in need
Melting metal it would do
But nowadays its only used
For picnic bar-b-que
The woodland coppiced timber used
Is a renewable commodity
But Tesco,s lumpwood in my shed
Gives guilt complex to me!
Books and all young Andrew writes
Of interests far and wide
Botany and history,
Whales and frogs surprise!
Then upon a cleared patch
Some craftsmen upon we came,
I’m a bodger said first one,
My wife said “He’s the same”
A whittling down the fresh wood sticks
Then turn in woodland tool
A brace and bit to make the holes
Hey Presto, its a stool
In all this lot I’ve missed a bit
Bout Pollarded trees we passed
I’m sure that if we had all day
More questions we’d have asked
But gentle saunter through the wood
And look inside the huts
Took a couple of hours , was very good
Could have made it last for hours.
So many thanks to Andrew Cleve
And his team of volunteers
We’l raise a glass and express our thanks
With a very genuine “Cheers”
“Taff, Very accurate and accurate to boot,”
I must admit that my mind would take root,
If poems or verse or some other refrain,
My mind would try over and over again,
But this is the difference you can’t always see,
For you are you and I am me,
I know that Ebay is the sales room to choose,
But me? I don,t want my credit card to loose,
So plastic card numbers I keep in my boot,
And trust only that smaller board round here called LOOT.
Now Jan and her mum are packing to go,
I need to go shopping first so I will be so
Quite shortly to jump in the Landie and drive,
So goodbye from her and goodby from Clive
Thanks to Son.
Thanks for your email last night,
CHAIRMANS REPORT BARC OCTOBER 1999
This year the report comes in rhyme,
So spare me a little more time.
We start with our thanks, to those in the ranks
who make this Club endure all the time.
But committee I must thank quite soon
Who frequently fill my front room,
If forget them again I’d want transplant of brain
For I don’t want to hear any more moan.
In fairness they all did quite well,
There’s lots of stories I could tell
But this isn’t the time, to take the mick in rhyme
I don’t want to ring any bell.
About this time last year
The foxhunters were living in fear
Of finding a pub that no longer did grub
Or let the kiddies inside the bar.
I got my plate for the car,
This flash git can be seen from afar
Janet got hers, she don’t growl now - just purrs
Like 300 others so far.
LEP,s stint at Church Cottage went well
To raise funds for MS charity he did tell
QSL’s were prepared, no expense was spared,
The morning went rather swell
Jins jokes don’t get any better,
From the cartoon in November news letter
The Mot Pot I have tried, to make it subside
If its yours could you do better?
Fox hunts go on unabated,
Divorce must be surely awaited
Its right, no its left, I am surely bereft,
No I wont be blooming placated.
The New Forest as usual went well,
There are many stories one could tell
Of barbies supreme, in the evening sublime
Two fox hunts too , what the hell!
Some internet providers did go
In one year Freeserve did grow
To the biggest UK, provider they say
To the phone bill next I say NO.
November Mike O’Beirne we did saw
Talk about radio gear for a war
December we had a party, not bad
January junk came - galore
Trimble Navigation it says on my list,
For February, did I come ? or was it missed,
Perhaps away I did go, for my employer to sow
Seeds in the German mist!
Digital TV I am sure,
Came in March Ken Barritt of Sony once more,
His viewpoint he gave, will last to his grave
A inspired speaker and certainly no bore.
Taffs project in April did well,
Active attenuator was really quite swell
Preparations supreme, PCB and silk screen.
This project just hit the bell.
New hunters tried it in haste
Blow me down, they’ve got in first place,
This really is no fun, at having to run
After those just starting this race!
Sony restructured their op
Which meant Steve Harding was out of his job,
So Steve had to go, to pastures quite new
And with it our venue went pop.
Our Taff had the best lead of all
And quickly found us a new Hall
It looks like a shed, but it aint all that bad,
And the barmans the best one of all.
The funds they did ask, Were not to far past
What we thought we might raise via adds.
But Lynch paid up front, the rest had the hump
But raffles now drawn by the lads .
The amount of the rent, to make them content
Depends on what goes over the bar.
So before you head back, Give the bar a fair crack,
And average a couple of jar.
Our visit to Bramley Frith
Is something I will forever live with
Its a mixture of nature, some bits of old stature
And pylons above with too live.
Ruth Bamford came in our June
An attractive lady - I did swoon
The eclipse she did speak,
She could talk all week,
She was gone so very soon.
CW - Brian was to tell,
Of PIC processors and programs quite well
It seems you can get, software off the net
To make things work - what the hell.
A new class of license was announced,
Five words a minute they did pronounce,
With just this you can play, 100 watts HF all day
Now 12 words is fading away.
Its believed that CW will go
I wonder what Government will do
With established class Bs, who want to be pleased
With old call sign and HF ho ho!!
The novices did well also
For two metres they now could go.
And ten watts to boot, to help them get out
Why bother with class B - dunno.
Our new clutch of novices took test,
Not quite as lucky as the rest,
As ladies all failed, frustration they wailed
But boys passed and joined in with the rest.
World Scout Jamboree in Chile
Presented by Frank Herritage - not me
What presentation skills, Our Frank has - with frills .
It really was worth waiting to see.
The Hamfest at Hatfield House
Was - well really something quite else!
Out Jim was again right, About the Societies plight
In organising events they did flounce.
We put on a DF demo.
In the arena we were there to go
But PA there was not, from my viewpoint a flop,
I nearly walked off and went home.
But show we came there to do,
With Club T shirts all printed and coo
We all looked quite good, wherever we stood.
But loudhaler was a load of poo.
The following night that video fright presented by Russell and Taff
It showed that the demo was - far from the best and then we had a good laugh.
Our Taf had a few and young Russell knew how video camera did work,
So interviewed Taff in true Paxton style who answered in worzelese verse.
With tongue in my cheek I submitted a bill to RSGB for our costs,
I thought to myself lets go for the max, there’s nothing here to be lost.
To my great surprise, in letter box I did find, a cheque from Society there,
So “T” shirts are free to those who took part and petrol money at cost.
VHF Field day, Now what can I say, that’s not previously covered in rhyme,
I’m sure that next year, with mostly same gear we’ll be up there another time.
The teams are quite slick, the Antenna did the trick and results keep us well near the top,
With results like this, next year we cant miss, this is one facet we wont stop.
So Side band we try, a long pole did guy and HF operation we did do
The weather was fine, the cow pats did whine when as frisbies they hurled just a few.
Out taff rushed back from hols to organise the poles with Alan and Cliff just for starters
The gene kept going and points became flowing so perhaps next year we must do
So these snippets I offer from our Club that do prosper with Alan holding the purse
He’s not that all bad, this much cash he’s not had for many a year in the past.
Tight Git I did say, and not while he was away to his face I dared the comment
But hang on to his cash, is not being rash, I don’t think he will easy relent
So thanks once more I do give, to committee and members herewith,
For without your support, ther’d be no report, no chairman, committee to live.
Well I have talked long enough, that’s enough of my stuff so secretary is next on to go,
Then treasurer to follow, all that money in to wallow, the lucky so and so!!
Andrew & Sally, what a joy you to greet
From Honeymoon you have just been,
Where away you have gone? Away on a plane
Or to London to see the Queen.
I bet the weather was kind and warm
The see, a deep blue tinged green
The mobile phone being left behind
The business not to be seen
The stories you tell of your work force so swell
Make me sure that all will be fine
When returneth again to the desks , his and mine!
With booming orders as well.
Oh but the way boss, that machine made a loss
Last week its crank shaft went bang
We did try our best to make up with the rest
But power cuts were out of hand
The creditors came, just playing a game
To make sure shares were well rested
The books they did take, calculations to make
The company value was tested.
But forget this bad dream, I don’t wish to be mean,
As verses just come unabated
T’is near a year since we were both near
And new Beaujolais is shortly awaited
So good luck to you both, I’m sure you’ll stay close.
Together for many a year,
But when will we meet, I savour the treat
But Andrew I am well sure to hear.
Quite well in advance of any quick glance
Of Sally we’re likely to get.
So Andrew I ask to take on the task
Introductions, and don’t say “not yet”
ODE TO AUTUMN
(Nothing to do with John Keats)
Its autumn again and the world is on fire,
The woods are ablaze under Natures attire,
The leaves are a flutter with bronze and with gold,
And the Years Song of Glory is nearly told.
Out in the country and even in town,
The leaves are a’swhirl with russett and browns,
As though nature is weaving her richest of gowns.
The cherries are crimson, Still green is the bay
But dusted with frost, at the break of the day.
The sky is as blue as a mid summers day,
But dark are the morns and short are the days.
The leaves are a whisper by the winds mighty breath,
Soon it will be Winter, To the leaves - certain death.
I,ve tidied the lab into the bins, if there’s anything you want kept check them now!
I've looked in the bin
From the Father of the Bride 10.6.2000
Welcome to one an all
I can’t really talk al all
So a ditty I made.
Bout Amanda and Dave
Who are Oxlade together, that’s all.
Dave and Amanda have now tied the knot
No longer is Amanda Caroline a Mott.
An Oxlade she is
And quite full of fizz
I’ve lumbered him with the lot.
I thought I was giving her away.
A load of my mind I thought, horray!
But have I got it wrong,
I heard Dave sing a song,
A son-in-law I've acquired today.
So what interests does Dave have of late,
I know he can well modulate
Of vehicular excursions
With many diversions
Plus RF to radiate.
What frequency does Dave modulate
Every two minutes old mate,
If you take Dave in your car
He’ll natter hear & afar.
Don’t listen or you will be late.
But radio equipped young Dave now is
He really has become quite a whizz
From CB beginning
And a bit of learning
A callsign and doing the bizz
But Amanda’s license is full
While Dave’s is a Novice, no bull!
So learning away
Then came the day
For Dave the A test to take.
May exam came and then went
Dave now waits with intent
To equal his spouse
With full license in house
And for some more ears to bend.
Old cars intrigue Dave too
Only a Cavalier will do
With its front wheel drive
And wheels that do jive
When welly on ice you to do.
Now my daughter Amanda did say
That her Dave makes her quite happy
He,s good with his hands
Not bad on the land
Is that what she meant to say?
But step out of line Dave will not,
He,s had the warning from Mott
There;s dad and her brother
Plus a few other.
There,s really quite a lot.
We all know Amanda’a not mad
In keeping the cash that she had
She knows what is right,
She,s plain blooming tight
She,s just like her tight fisted dad.,
But a passion for cars they do share
And the Radio bugs planted there
And camping as well
In the Forest to tell
Of foxhunts some here and some there.
But Telegram time is now hear
What next I hear moaned from the rear
I’m sorry to say, that some can’t come today
So message from Britanny is here.
Its Dave NIP and Anne ZSF
Who send you both there very best
There marriage has lasted
Sometimes they have fasted
But always persued life with zest.
So best wishes from Jan and I
This isn’t the place to try
Much more stupid verse
I hear someone curse
Surely not from I
But form filling time now comes last.
That City and Guilds Dave,--- You’ve Passed.
The certificates here & you owe me a beer.
I’m now going to sit on my ass!.
In the S..t again!
Oh Mrs Mott,
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