The bloke next door!

At the risk of being a bore,

Here's a tale bout the bloke next door.

An incident he had,

And his neck was quite bad,

To hospital they rushed him I’m sure.

North Hants Hospital then sprung into life,

Perhaps a scalpel, a needle a knife,

But quick check said stop,

Was only a small bop

You’ve strained it a bit - my life!!


Take a pain killer and just go home,

There's no damage to any old bone,

In your car you can ride

Back home to reside,

It’s hardly worth a moan.


So following day back to work,

The neck he dare not jerk,

His boss then  reported

“Your BUPA’s  supported”

So physio might help you work.


Hampshire Clinic he then visited,

The lady said lay on this bed,

But no, just to be sure,

We'll X ray  once more,

Before we massage your head.


A few minutes past then behold

The pictures she was quick to hold

His neck  was just broken,

How is it he spoken

A&E said it was not more than a cold.


I’m not touching that she did say,

Its a rigid neck brace on  today,

No driving, no play,

Now what did they say?

It bruising now how can that be

The pictures are quite clear to see.


Somehow he gets himself  home!

Hoping for quick healing of bone,

His faith in the system,

Has gone down the cistern,

Its weeks and he’s still at home.


No doubt the Physio will come,

After bone has knitted and some,

But he would have seen red

If they’d massaged his head,

If they’d not pulled it off by  bone


Clive May 1999



Thanks to Son again!

Thanks for fitting the sound card within,

T'was craftily done when I was not In.

But soon to find the note I sure was

When to the shack I went because

My tools to return from field day site

Where ventured I with all my mite

To mend the beam for 70 megs

And fell over numerous tent pegs

But problemette I seem to have found

The CD player plays without sound

So Wurtinger's disk I can no longer play

Till you have visited another day!


I phone you much but no answer are

From your number, Out in your car?

The mobiles turned off now what goods that,

Or has it just suffered from this and that,

A drop from great height perhaps it might be,

Perhaps its the rain or the cats had a pee!

So try the main line a bit later I thought,

Perhaps there's a lesson I need to be taught.

Engaged for an eternity it seems to be,

Perhaps the Internet's playing with thee.

OK, I give in, its digital form,

I type this ditty to raise yet a yawn.

An post it to you for retrieval a bit later

So you can help your poor old pater!



Sons reply 

ok so i might have made a mistake

    but had no time ,so had to make

    a couple of shortcuts here and there

    i`m sorry if it caused you to tear out hair

    but my friend Dave is coming round

    so i will ask about the sound

    and see if it needs a different lead

    or if the sound card is for a bin to feed

    i thought the pins did not seem right

    so we'll have to come round another night

    o flipping heck ass and bugger

    i hope it does not require another

    for my mind has started aching

    and the amount of time

    this saga is taking

    is to be quite frank, a pain in the ass

    but like everything else, it will pass

    so at the end my rhyme is over

    may your life be sweet

    and your health in clover!!



Too many NEWTONS in the Global Address book!


Apologies I offer in haste,

Your time I wish not to waste,

My  Email does fly

Sometimes awry

Because I type at a pace.


Its not that I do it intended,

My ways I try to be mended,

Your name is  adjacent,

And I   get complacent,

And before I know its  sended!


So please   be patient with me,

My glasses will help me see,

My monitors small,

My head is quite tall,

And my hands hang down by my knee!


One thought did cross my mind,

An address book example I find,

To avoid the confusion

One persons solution

Was use first name instead all the time.


I did not believe it  when told,

That Jason..C was that bold,

Christian name he was using

To stop all confusion,

It works as good as gold!.


He started that way I am sure,

T'will suit him for ever more

But  Newton,s to late,

The address's left the gate,

Management Services set it for sure.


If unwanted mail  I  send thee,

Please send it straight back to me.

I  hope my conveyance,

Doesn't cause  much annoyance,

A smile I hope I give thee.


The four metre beam

The four metre boom's a bit short,

Came the shouted  frantic report,

Are you sure its not there

I said, as my hair

Stood upright on neck back and taught.


A check in the trailer  drew blank,

And we considered raiding the bank,

To buy a new beam, in time it may seem

But  not at this time of night,

Especially as Alan's so tight!.


So phone calls  for divine inspiration

To help us with right calculation

From the bits we did  take

It was difficult to make

A re-worked  design for the station .


A classic Yagi wont fit

A short Yagi still  isn't it

Books were confided,

the waters were muddied,

But still all designs were all  spit.


A phone call to Roy Powers of Antec

By now we were all  getting  frantic,

The dimensions we had

He said were not bad

So try these and  be a mechanic.


My garage was raided for bits,

Some ally  angle   and clips,

A hand full of  screws,

Some bolts we could use,

Lets hope this thing is a hit.


Bad light stopped play Friday night

Our Taff was woke up with a fright,

The heavens threw down

And soaked the ground

But morning came, night mare was right!.


Gut-buster drill plus the pole

The antenna was coached  to a whole

Peters shoulder was rested,

As SWR was tested.

One point four, we're on a roll!


The gin pole them came into play

Up mast to last but a day

The swer again tested

Not Peters arm rested

One point seven, but up  now and can  blooming well stay.


The amp worked like a charm,

No birdies, oscillations or harm,

Points were collected

Estonia  detected,

Not once but twice in the day.


Now near the close of Play

Old ZOI came shortly to stay,

What's that in the air,

You've got over there

The 4 metre mean we did say.


Its nothing like it should be

Said ZOI looking at me

Its not the right length

It ain't got no strength

Its more like a Christmas tree.


There’s two more elements than should be

I really can't  sensibly see

How from the dimensions

And you initial intentions

That Ariel came to be.


Don't knock it Taff then said to Dave

We'll patent it, for we must save,

The points we will get

Were  the best ever yet

Its something over to rave.


The contest now over and done

All knackered and well past the fun

We  loaded the trailer

Thanked farmer  for the   favour

And  transported to Alan’s family farm.


Popham Court Farm, soon we were there

The sweat had dampened my hair,

Drove up to the barn

where we'd originally gone

And guess what I saw just there!


The 4 metre pole on the grass

Now! was this time to kick ass!

The points we had collected

Were now well respected

Perhaps my anger might pass.


The dilemma we now have to face

Is where the elements  to  place,

Investigations looming

To find which beam  booming

Most signal out in one place.


Despite all this and the rain

I think we've done it a again

The youngsters did  well

And the Olden's can tell

It all came together - Just fine.


The thanks are to numerous to mention

We all had the best intention

I daren't single out

Any names  out to shout

For missing some  ends up with tension.


But pointed comments I will make

To those who allowed us to take

There prized possessions

From homestead situations

To use for the contest all week.


I think I have waxed long enough

By now you've heard all this stuff

From various sources

Although not in verses

So now is the time to stop.



 What, no lay in on a Sunday Morn the missus said to me,

Just because the Bramley Frith visit has to be,

An evening jaunt you said before, that what’s I agreed to do,

Not jump out of bed at the crack of dawn just to be with you,


Through the village and Cafaude Lane the twisty winding way

T’was not very long before we found young Cliff on air to say,

We’ve arrived already but we’re not alone, there’s others here as well

The gate is locked, oh no it’s not,  the weathers really swell.


The sun burst down and  members came from distance not too far

First one then two then many more turned up in many a car.

Assembled now we headed down the National Grid marked Lane

Over several humps and round a bend, turn left then stop again.


 Andrew Cleve then greeted us then put us in corral

Surrounded by fence I thought its us who are locked in,

Subtle but  I can tell!

A jackdaw joined us from a house he’d adopted as his own,

He sat alongside then followed us,  walking on the ground.


A plastic bin with sodium light with egg boxes galore

Gave Andrew the opportunity  to delve inside and explore

Its full of moths of every sort, each box had a surprise

With Elephant Hawk,Kitten, Buff Arch  flying off to rise.


Small plastic pots were  utilized to capture several moths,

Taking care not to touch with fingers or tiny tots

Then we ventured round the site but who was watching who.

The Fallow deer  were well in view but then they had to go,


These deer are black when on the ground

The camouflage is good

But lighter deer are often found

Where humans provide the  food


Its seems that fashion has its place

And humans have their way

For  lighter deer are picturesque

And  that’s what we want to see


The pylons loomed far high above

Their Tesla’s vibrating free,

But worry not, the flux is weak

And less than your TV


Damsel, Hover and Dragon flies

flirted with all and sunder

The Jackdaw had his way with them

For he was to plunder.


The caged moths were then released

And placed upon the trees

In shaded woods they like it most

For they did seem quite pleased.


The water pepper tasted us 

To see what we had got?,

Just a bite then spit and wait

Struth that’s blooming hot.


The  silver birch was very big,

And very old as well

It rised high but never reached

The pylons that hummed like hell


Old earth works clearly  marked the bounds

Of several woodland features

Was this bit London Clay or was it not

Must listen to the teacher.


A badger set and noses rose

To test for smell of fox

But nothing found but badgers earth

Was disguised well by phlox


Crack Willow marked the way

Of an olden woodland path

Charcoal burner then we found

Its there to warm your hearth


Charcoal once was much in need

Melting metal it would do

But nowadays its only used

For picnic bar-b-que


The woodland coppiced timber used

Is a renewable commodity

But Tesco,s lumpwood in my shed

Gives guilt complex to me!


Books and all young Andrew writes

Of interests far and wide

Botany and history,

Whales and frogs surprise!


Then upon a cleared patch 

Some craftsmen upon we came,

I’m a bodger said  first one,

My wife said “He’s the same”


A whittling down the fresh wood sticks

Then turn in woodland  tool

A brace and bit to make the holes

Hey Presto, its a stool


In all this lot I’ve missed a bit

Bout Pollarded trees we passed

I’m sure that if we had all day

More questions we’d have asked


But gentle saunter through the wood

And look inside the huts

Took a couple of hours , was very good

Could have made it last for hours.


So many thanks to Andrew Cleve

And his team of volunteers

We’l raise a glass and express our thanks

With a very  genuine  “Cheers”


Clive 18.7.99


 “Taff, Very accurate and accurate to boot,”

I must admit that my mind would take root,

If poems or verse or some other refrain,

My mind would try over and over again,


But this is the difference you can’t always see,

For you are you and I am me,

I know that Ebay is  the sales room to choose,

But me? I don,t want my credit card to loose,

So plastic card numbers I keep in my boot,

And trust only that smaller board round here called LOOT.


Now Jan and her mum are packing to go,

I need to go shopping first so I will be so

Quite shortly to jump in the Landie and drive,

So goodbye from her and goodby from Clive


G4ODM 27.12.03

















































Thanks to Son.

Thanks for your email last night,
I hoped this time to be right,
I dialed the right number.
Free phone for to plunder
For internet Access - All right!

But success there was not to be
Perhaps I'm just too greedy,
For BT it seems
Are not having dreams
And giving it all for free.

This morning I called the help line
"What's this" I said, not in rhyme,
I thought it was free
Some one had told me
But I cant connect free any time.

Its free at the week ends they said
When the rest of us are still in bed
But the rules of the game
Is that you pay for some time
We're not quite yet off our head!.

But adverts pay for the cost
I thought all expenses were lost
On consumers who chose
Internet to peruse
At week ends when time can be lost.

Its  different to that they did say,
For 12 quid you have access and play,
And if you subscribe,
With this 12 quid bribe,
Then week ends are free all the day.

So free phone is only  week ends,
If 12 quid per month you them send,
But try as I might,
Perhaps I'm too tight!
Or am I just round the bend?

The time will come we will see,
When access and phone will be free,
Who's first to break rank
And take risk with their bank
Perhaps Freeserve it may well just be?

Clive August 1999




 This year the report comes in rhyme,

So  spare me a little more  time.

We start with our thanks, to those in the ranks

who make this Club endure all the time.


But committee I must thank   quite soon

Who frequently fill my front room,

If forget them again I’d want transplant of brain

For  I don’t want to hear any more moan.


In fairness they all did quite well,

There’s lots of stories I could tell

But this isn’t the time, to take the mick in rhyme

I don’t want to ring any bell.


About this time last year

The foxhunters were living in fear

Of finding a pub that no longer did grub

Or  let the kiddies inside the bar.


I got my plate for the car,

This flash git can be seen from afar

Janet got hers, she don’t growl now - just purrs

Like 300 others so far.


LEP,s stint at Church Cottage went well

To raise funds for MS charity he did tell

QSL’s were prepared, no expense was spared,

The morning went rather swell


Jins jokes don’t get any better,

From the cartoon in November news letter

The Mot Pot I have tried, to make it subside

If its yours could you do better?


Fox hunts go on unabated,

Divorce must be  surely awaited

Its right, no its left, I am surely bereft,

No I wont be blooming placated.


The New Forest as usual went well,

There are many stories one could tell

Of barbies supreme, in the evening sublime

Two fox hunts too , what the hell!


Some internet providers did go

In one year Freeserve did grow

To the biggest UK, provider they say

To the phone bill next I say NO.


November Mike O’Beirne we did  saw

Talk about  radio  gear for a war

December we had a party, not bad

January junk came - galore


Trimble Navigation it says on my list,

For February, did I come ? or was it missed,

Perhaps away I did go, for my employer to sow

Seeds in the German mist!


Digital TV I am sure,

Came in March  Ken Barritt of Sony  once more,

His viewpoint he gave, will last to his grave

A inspired speaker and certainly no bore.


Taffs project in April did well,

Active attenuator was really quite  swell

Preparations supreme, PCB and silk screen.

This project just hit the bell.


New hunters tried it in haste

Blow me down, they’ve got in first place,

This really is no fun, at having to run

After those  just starting this race!


Sony  restructured their op

Which meant Steve Harding was out of his job,

So Steve had to go, to pastures quite new

And with it our venue went pop.


Our Taff had the best lead of all

And quickly found us a new Hall

It looks like a shed, but it aint all that bad,

And the barmans the best  one of all.


The funds they did ask, Were not to far past

What we thought we might raise via adds.

But Lynch paid up front, the rest had the hump

But raffles now drawn by the lads .


The amount of the rent, to make them content

Depends on what goes over the bar.

So before  you head back, Give the bar a fair crack,

And average a couple of jar.


Our visit to Bramley Frith

Is something I will forever live with

Its a mixture of nature, some bits of old stature

And pylons above with too live.


Ruth Bamford came in our June

An attractive lady - I did swoon

The eclipse she did speak,

She could talk all week,

She was gone  so very soon.


CW -  Brian was to tell,

Of PIC processors and programs quite well

It seems  you can get, software off the net 

To make things work - what the hell.


A new class of license was announced,

Five words a minute they did pronounce,

With just this you can play,  100 watts HF all day

Now 12 words is fading away.


Its believed that CW will go

I wonder what Government will do

With established class Bs, who want to be pleased

With old call sign and HF ho ho!!


The novices did well also

For two metres they now could go.

And ten watts to boot, to help them get out

Why bother with class B - dunno.



Our new clutch of novices took  test,

Not quite as lucky  as the rest,

As ladies all failed, frustration they wailed

But boys passed and joined in with  the rest.


World Scout Jamboree in Chile

Presented by Frank Herritage - not me

What presentation skills, Our Frank has - with frills .

It really was worth waiting to see.


The Hamfest at Hatfield  House

Was - well really  something quite  else!

Out Jim was again right, About the Societies plight

In organising events they did flounce.


We put on a DF demo.

In the arena we were there  to go

But PA there was not, from my viewpoint a flop,

I nearly walked off and went home.


But show we came there to do,

With Club T shirts all printed and coo

We all  looked quite good, wherever we stood.

But loudhaler was a load of poo.


The following night  that video fright presented by Russell and Taff

It showed that the demo was - far from the best and then we  had a good laugh.

Our Taf had a few and young Russell knew how video camera did work,

So interviewed Taff   in true Paxton style who answered in worzelese verse.


 With tongue in my cheek I submitted a bill to RSGB for our costs,

I thought to myself lets go for the max, there’s nothing here to be lost.

To my great surprise, in letter box I did find, a cheque from Society there,

So “T” shirts are free to those who took part and petrol money at cost.


VHF Field day, Now what can I say, that’s not previously covered in rhyme,

I’m sure that next year, with mostly same gear we’ll be up there another time.

The teams are quite slick, the Antenna did the trick and results keep us well near the top,

With results like this, next year we cant miss, this is one facet we wont stop.



So Side band  we try, a long pole did guy and HF operation we did do

The weather was fine, the cow pats did whine when as frisbies they hurled just a few.

Out  taff rushed back from hols to organise the poles with Alan and Cliff just for starters

The gene kept going and points became flowing so perhaps next year we must do


So these snippets I offer from our Club that do prosper with  Alan holding  the purse

He’s not that all bad, this much cash he’s not had for many a year in the past.

Tight Git I did say, and not while he was away to his face I dared the comment

But hang on to his cash, is not being rash, I don’t think he will easy relent


So thanks once more  I do give, to committee and members herewith,

For without your support, ther’d be no  report, no chairman, committee to live.

Well I have talked long enough, that’s enough of my stuff so secretary is next on to go,

Then treasurer to follow, all that money in to wallow, the lucky so and so!!


Andrew & Sally, what a joy you to greet

From Honeymoon you have just been,

Where away you have gone? Away on a plane

Or to London to see the Queen.


I bet the  weather was kind and warm

The see, a deep blue tinged  green

The mobile phone being left behind

The business  not to be  seen


The stories you tell of your work force so swell

Make  me sure that all will be fine

When returneth again to the desks , his and mine!

With booming orders as well.


Oh but the way boss, that machine made a loss

Last week its crank shaft went bang

We did try our best to make up with the rest

But power cuts were out of hand


The creditors came, just playing a game

To make sure shares were well rested

The books they did take,  calculations to make

The company value was tested.


But forget this bad dream, I don’t wish to be mean,

As verses just come unabated

T’is near a year since we were both near

And new Beaujolais is shortly awaited


So good luck to you both, I’m sure you’ll stay close.

Together for many a year,

But when will we meet, I savour the treat

But Andrew I am well sure to hear.


Quite well in advance of any quick glance

Of Sally we’re likely to get.

So Andrew I ask to take on the task

Introductions, and don’t say “not yet”



(Nothing to do with John Keats)


Its autumn again and the world is on fire,

The woods are ablaze under Natures attire,

The leaves are a flutter with bronze and with gold,

And the Years Song of Glory is nearly told.


Out in the country and even in town,

The leaves are a’swhirl with russett and browns,

As though nature is weaving her richest of gowns.


The cherries are crimson, Still green is the bay

But dusted with frost, at the break of the day.

The sky is as blue as a mid summers day,

But dark are the morns and short are the days.


The leaves are a whisper by the winds mighty breath,

Soon it will be Winter, To the leaves - certain death.


Janet  20.11.99


I,ve tidied the lab into the bins, if there’s anything you want kept check them now!

I've looked in the bin
And there aint nothing in
That seems interesting or usefull to me.

So it rests where it lay
Tomorrow and today
But cleaners will inspect all with glee.

But junk it may be.
To you and old me.
But others may not think the same

So when what his name moans
That those bits were his own
Dont point the blame back towards me!


From the Father of the Bride  10.6.2000


Welcome to one an all

I can’t really  talk al all

So a ditty I   made.

Bout Amanda and Dave

Who are Oxlade together, that’s all.



Dave and Amanda  have now tied the knot

No longer is Amanda Caroline a Mott.

An Oxlade  she  is

And quite full of fizz

I’ve lumbered him with  the lot.


I thought I was giving her away.

A load of my mind I thought, horray!

But have I got it wrong,

I heard Dave sing a song,

A son-in-law I've acquired today.


So what interests does Dave have of late,

I know he can well modulate

Of vehicular  excursions

With many diversions

Plus  RF to radiate.


What frequency does Dave modulate

Every two minutes old mate,

If you take Dave in your car

He’ll natter hear &  afar.

Don’t listen or you will be late.


But radio equipped young Dave now is

He really has become quite a whizz

From CB beginning

And a bit of  learning

A callsign and doing the bizz


But Amanda’s license is full

While Dave’s is a Novice, no bull!

So  learning away

Then came the day

For Dave the A test to take.


May exam came and then went

Dave now waits with intent

To equal his spouse

With full license in house

And for some more ears to bend.


Old cars intrigue Dave too

Only a Cavalier will do

With its front wheel drive

And wheels that do jive

When welly on ice you to do.


Now my  daughter Amanda did say

That her Dave makes her quite happy

He,s good with his hands

Not bad on the land

Is that what she meant to say?


But step out of line Dave will not,

He,s had the warning from Mott

There;s dad and her brother

Plus a few other.

There,s really quite a lot.


We all  know Amanda’a not mad

In keeping the  cash that she had

She knows what is right,

She,s plain blooming tight

She,s just like her tight fisted dad.,



But a passion for cars they do share

And the Radio bugs planted there

And camping as well

In the Forest to tell

Of foxhunts some here and some there.



But Telegram time is now hear

What next I hear moaned from the rear

I’m sorry to say, that some can’t come today

So message from Britanny is here.


Its Dave NIP and Anne ZSF

Who send you both there very best

There marriage has lasted

Sometimes they have fasted

But always persued life with zest.


So best wishes from Jan and I

This isn’t the place to try

Much more stupid verse

I hear someone curse

Surely not from I


But form filling  time now comes last.

That City and Guilds Dave,--- You’ve Passed.

The certificates here &  you owe me a beer.

I’m now going to sit on my ass!.


Clive  10.6.2000

In the S..t again! 

Oh Mrs Mott,
Whatever can I do
Whatever I say or try to do,
I keep upsetting you,

That bloody phone If I dare mention,
The comment was made with no intention,
Of making you feel small or hurt,
It was a comment I did blurt
Blame my memory retention..

So think ahead of mobile bed,
The silence in those hills
The places we go put put to
Those journeys and your spills!

Will the goats still walk the road,
Leaving their mark behind them?
Will the bridge be longer now,
So it can by-pass them.

Then of course those all mad ducks,
That quack along the edge,
Of places that little further south
We'll soon be there, I pledge.

The chandlers alongside Herault shore
What challenge will arise
To cause us to visit them once more
With another request surprise.

So pecker up and take some care
Don,t want my wifey broken,
I hope by now you have a smile
The Ayatollah's spoken!



Return to home page